Work will never love you back. It’s almost a mantra in my home. My partner and I say it all the time: to each other, to our friends, to ourselves.

I learned the hard way that work would never love me back after starting my career as young as possible, giving my all, caring way too much. I thought I’d be amazing at my job, get promoted quickly, earn more money. Several times I got promoted, but it never came with quite the recognition (or pay raise) I had hoped for. And then one experience changed it all. I got laid off and was asked to continue doing the job as a freelancer for less money and no benefits. Sadly, I did it. I shouldn’t have. That job clearly didn’t love me back.

People have debated me on the language of “Work will never love you back.” “Well,” they say, “what if you’re a doctor and the work is rewarding, so the work loves you back in how many patients you save?” Fulfillment and reward are not the same thing as love. But in any event, doctors are routinely overworked to the point that their performance degrades, so working longer and harder doesn’t have the payoff anyone would hope for. What’s more, healthcare professionals in the U.S. in particular are routinely under pressure to order additional tests and procedures to increase billing at for-profit hospitals.

“What about people who run their own businesses?” some have asked. Perhaps, but the point remains that giving so much of yourself to your work won’t ever be reciprocated. You can pour your heart and soul into your own business if you want, as long as you are clear on what the payoff will be.

It’s healthy to not love your job too much. It’s useful to remember that paid time off (assuming you get any) is part of your compensation and not taking all your paid time off is tantamount to working overtime for no pay. Even research shows that being loyal at work leads bosses to exploit you.

So be careful of how much of yourself you put into your job. Because work will never love you back.

Photo by Magnet.me on Unsplash